Delia ‘‘That hour every Wednesday was like a port in a storm where we could forget about dementia and relax’’

Retired nurse Delia Cartlidge and husband Stuart, a former aeronautical engineer, have been married for 52 years. Delia became Stuart’s carer after he was diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease in 2020.  

Together the couple, who are both 76, joined The Reader’s new dementia friendly Shared Reading group at Liverpool Central Library in October 2023 led by dedicated volunteer Joan Brown. They attended together until July when his condition suddenly deteriorated. Now she continues to go by herself. 

Speaking for myself and Stuart, that hour every Wednesday was like a port in a storm where we could forget about dementia and relax. For me especially, it lightened the load of being a carer, and so helped me to cope with an increasingly difficult situation.  

Now that Stuart can no longer attend the group, that hour every Wednesday has become even more beneficial to me. I just love it! It’s the highlight of my week. We have all sorts of people dropping into the group of all ages which is also good. 

I don’t know how our Reader Leader Joan comes up with such good readings and poems every week. Her enthusiasm, empathy and humour are better than any pills. She could save the NHS a fortune! 

In July Stuart’s condition deteriorated virtually overnight and he was admitted to a  nursing home and very well cared for. But now he hardly speaks, is unable to do anything at all for himself, and sleeps for long periods. 

Stuart was officially diagnosed with Alzheimer’s Disease in 2020, but I knew a year before. He had lost his sense of direction which was unusual for someone who carried a map in his head. At first, he covered it up well as he had other hobbies. 

He’s a great bridge player - then didn’t want to play anymore. He was a man who could do the hardest Sudoku – then stopped doing any. He was always a very practical man who put in our central heating, changed car engines, always enjoyed DIY, was a whizz on computers and was an amateur radio enthusiast. But all that stopped. 

Stuart had worked as an engineer for Lucas Aerospace. He was sponsored through university. They made parts for Harrier Jump Jets and he managed a team of seven. But after a heart attack at 41, Stuart retired early in 2000 and enjoyed a vast array of hobbies.  

 We started going to the Shared Reading group in October 2023.  

With dementia you feel on edge a lot of the time coping with high stress levels but when I came to the Shared Reading group I could feel myself unwinding. I felt it was time for me without feeling guilty. It’s been such a marvellous support. 

I have chosen three short readings and three poems paired up by Joan for our sessions that I have especially liked... 

• The Dish with the dancing Cows by Meera Syal and Human Family by Maya Angelou 

• The Gold Cadillac by Mildred Taylor and Civil Lies by Benjamin Zephaniah 

• Mrs Bixby and the Colonel’s Coat by Roald Dahl and Love Cuts by John Hegley 

The Roald Dahl story has an expected sting in the tail ending. John Hegley’s poem with its wry humour and serious undertones, complements the reading perfectly. 

The Gold Cadillac highlighted the racism suffered by so many black people in America, as seen through the eyes of a child. Sadly, such attitudes still exist, and not just in America. The poem by Benjamin Zephaniah is simple and profound. The final lines, Check the great things I was doing Before I suffered slavery, Yours Truly, Mr Africa are so hard hitting, so clever. 

Meera Syal’s story is very moving and involves prejudice and misunderstanding. The ending, though, is uplifting and is a lesson for us all. Maya Angelou’s poem complements that story perfectly. What an amazing woman and Joan told us about the time she met her! 

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